Background Story
first of all..I wish I had more than words to express how I feel. This last month was the most horrific month &the most wonderful month of my life. Sounds strange doesn't it, that someone who almost lost their life, was hooked up to almost every machine you could possibly be hooked up to, have 4 or 5 IV/post lines all in your body,&about 40 lbs. of fluid they pumped in to save me, could possibly say that it was wonderful. I will not lie to you, there were moments of terror, panic attacks & almost "lose your mind" moments, however, through the darkest valley, when I was not me, I could not find myself, there HE was, Jesus/God in all his glory, in EVERY aspect of my life, from the band of CHRISTIAN warriors that were my caregivers, who, when I was at my lowest, sat with me & prayed, comforted me with their faith & courage that I could do this. And for Cliff, who is as close to perfect as any human can get, who was so terrified, scared, & trying to hold it all together, came our other band of angels on earth that took him in, sat with him, prayed with him, opened their home to him, fed him & generally kept him hanging on. My family &friends, though I was not able to see most of you, were there with steadfast prayer & comfort. And wow, once Lisa got my Caringbridge site up, the outpouring of love & prayers is an indescribable feeling, The one thing that has thrilled me the most is that 99.9% of the posts to my guestbook are from fellow Christians sharing their faith, scriptures &all out love of our GOD! This in itself is a testimony to our Lord. I pray everyday that possibly someone might visit this site who is lost & realize that life is just our "temporary home" (my fav new song by Carrie Underwood) that lets us know this is just a stop on the road to where we're going.....our true home in heaven. After about 3 weeks in critical care, where you are monitored 24/7 & things beep & nurses come & go ever 10 minutes, they moved me to a regular room. Quiet, calm, no monitors, no beeping, just peace. Well, I went to the bathroom to wash my face& when I looked into the mirror I just stared. Looking back at me was a body that for a good week or more was lost to me. I just looked for a moment & said "There you are, I've missed you!" I know that may sound a little silly but I had lost myself, mentally & physically because trying to fight for my life had become so overwhelming & I had to, truly for the first time in my life, LET GO!!! Well, this time, being somewhat angry with God for all this, but still with my unshakable faith....I LET GO & HE WAS THERE!!!! He took me over mind, body & soul. I wasn't Cindy, He wasn't God, WE WERE ONE! How amazingly wonderful, incredible, unbelievable, indescribable is that!!!! Boy, I'll tell you what, I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone, but to have that experience, WOW, what a glorious, mind altering, life changing gift.
For some of you reading this you may be struggling in life, whether it be sickness, marital problems, child rearing issues, work, finances, depression, etc. I hope that my story will show you that no matter how low you are, God is there for you. We were never promised that our life on earth would be easy, without trials or tribulations, we would require no faith. I was lost, totally lost in my situation & he was there! My rock, my guide, my protector. If you feel you are standing on a rock in the middle of the ocean & every is black around you, just open you heart, close your eyes & call for him, HE WILL BE THERE! I promise you. Just try it, you have nothing to lose but EVERYTHING to gain! This is my prayer for all of you precious people who have touched our lives. Cliff & I will never be able to truly express our total love for all of you, but we can say it with words...Thank God for you, our precious angels on earth.
We still have a long road ahead...many uncertainties & questions, but for now, we will rest in the comfort of our family & friends & just let God continue to lead us! And as Tyler always says at the end of all prayers...& may we be mindful to always give God the glory & the praise..AMEN!!!
We love you
Cindy and Cliff
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